So very very tired.
4 days of holiday and i feel worse than after a full five day working week.
Oh well.
It's back to work tomorrow, and I don't know if I'm looking forward to it.
I'm looking forward to getting out of the house, but not looking forward to going to work.
It'll be crazy busy at work and I dread it, but it may be better than staying at home.
For now at least.
Sigh.

2010 is peeping out of the curtains already.
I'm looking forward to 2010 for all the new beginnings it may hold for me and baby.
There are lots of plans in the making and they are all oh-so-exciting.
Lots of stress, planning and headaches but hopefully it will all be worthwhile in the end.
I still wanna spend some time to look back on the past year and decade, but time is poor at the moment and I'll get back to it another time.

In the meantime, I have a few resolutions for 2010.

1. Patience will be my biggest virtue
2. Love will be my biggest triumph
3. Strength will get me through all that life has in store for us
4. Courage will help me achieve my goals and dreams
5. A big heart will give me all I need to be patient, love, and be strong

Generic ones, none with much detail, but I'll come back with those later.
Later when my patience is not being tested to the max.

To everyone I love and who loves me, merry merry christmas :)
Have yourselves a lovely, wonderful day...

here in the land down under, everything is shut for christmas.
no shopping, no food, no supermarket even.
so it's a day i get to spend with my husband and his mum, and later on with some friends at dinner.
it's quiet and peaceful, just the way i like it.
but i still miss home and friends and family.
there's nothing like family at christmas time :)



i forgot to mention this - as you would have already noticed, i've given my blog a facelift.
lots of colour to brighten up my space :)
no more tagboard, so if you would like to say something, feel free to leave a comment. :)

It's been a long time since I last found words to say here.
No particular reason why... i guess i've found that talking about it to someone who can actually understand and respond is more effective than rambling endlessly here.

in a mere 10 days or less, 2009 will come to an end.
i'm not too sad to see the last decade pass by
and i'm excited about the next decade to come

i wanna take some time to reflect on the last 10 years of my life,
but that would be a long post and will take a much longer time that what i have now.
so i'll be back with that.

right now,
i've got mother-in-law here for the rest of the year until 30 Dec
Xmas has been hijacked, but i guess that's ok.
i miss last year's christmas though.
either way, she's here, baby's got the next 2 weeks off, but i've gotta work every single day except weekend and the actual PHs themselves.
so it's not really a holiday period for me.

we'll be home for CNY from 11 Feb to 20 Feb
so we're looking forward to that.
in the meantime, we've got 2 more months to go with gruelling work and stressful life.

last 6 months, we've been busy.
back to singapore twice
started school - double degree part-time off-campus
promoted
took on 10 new accounts
moved house
exams (got 2 high distinctions for both units this sem which is rather incredible since i'm working full time as well)
now, spending almost 3 hours a day travelling, 8.5 hours in the office, 8 hours sleeping, 4.5 hours either studying during the semester or chilling with the best husband in the world.
life is busy, stressful, leaving us with hardly any time for anything else, but we're all working towards our goals...
the lack of enough savings is driving us up the wall, but that's just the way life is eh?

I'll be 22 tomorrow.
yay.
mixed feelings about it, and i cant really be bothered to analyze it here on my blog today.
maybe another day.

i got a list of things i wish i can get for my birthday, but unfortunately, i'm financially strapped and it's not quite that possible. so it shall be like all the other birthdays before, and nothing shall be splurged on. when i said i'm coming back to collect birthday presents to my mum, all she had to say was "yeah right, and you owe me 20 over years of it". so since my only mother thinks that way, i'll shut up and not ask for anything. oh btw, my mother in law has already given me my birthday present so i guess she finds me more important and she does.

anyway, here's the list.
not expecting anything, only posting because it's a habit that i've had since i started blogging.

macbook / macbook pro - for studying

camera - just for the sake of it, because i've wanted it since 2 years ago but never got a chance to get it

wallet - with lots and lots of card space, cos my current one is exploding

new underwear - cos since coming off the pill, my boobs have officially shrank to be smaller than before. maybe i will get this for myself after all.

some cash to help pay my uni tuition fees - this my baby will probably provide me with... thank goodness for him :)

lots of singaporean junk food - will stuff my face silly beginning sunday morning! woo-hoo!

can't think of much of anything else material right now.
lots of other wants actually, but nothing money can buy.
you know you know?




i hate it when i hear about how the singaporeans seem more concerned about me bringing the stupid swine flu back to singapore from melbourne, then having me back.
how fantastic.
maybe i shouldn't go back.
or maybe i should, then pass on the dreaded "flu" to the whole of singapore, and prove to them that it's a pathetic crappy medical situation that is not even half as serious as the regular winter flu.
it's pathetic, the level of kiasi-ness my home country shows.
it's bloody winter here, obviously people will be sick.
it's so cold that INSIDE the house, it's 10 degrees celcius in the morning.
and outside, it's not even 5 degrees celcius when i get up and get out to go to work.
oh and news flash, i've been sick for 2 days now. at home on MC.
and i'll be back on saturday night in singapore.
so take that singapore.
hah!

i'm pissy today.
birthdays are traditionally shitty times... especially mine.
so whatever.

It seems I've neglected my diary again. Sorry :(

It's been one hell of a month - Jude's friends came to stay for a few days while they were in melbourne, then our landlord came to stay with his daughters, then jude's mum came to stay for 1 week, giving us just 1 day's notice.

Mother in law was supposed to come from the 1st to 10th of May, but got cancelled at the last minute because she had her leave from TTSH frozen and she had to go back to work. Thank the damn swine flu for that. So once the freeze got lifted on friday, the 8th, she decided to fly the very next day and arrived in time for mother's day, 10th May. She left this monday, and finally, we can take a breather. It has really been an insane month. As such, I've felt like I've neglectd everything else in my life, including my loyal diary.

May has come and almost gone, seeing as it's already the 22nd. The dreaded day is approaching, and I can feel the pressure of it sitting solidly in my chest. Will the day of redemption come soon for me? I know I have no one to blame, not even myself. But how can anyone detach themselves from the reality of it? Of what has gone down? I don't think there'll ever come a day where I'll stop yearning. Jealousy gets the better of me some days, and disturbs my sleep. I know it's pretty ridiculous, but I'll give anything for it to happen. One day... soon...

On a lighter note, I have received my official acceptance letter to Monash University! I've been offered my first choice program of a double degree - Bachelor of Arts (Communication) / Bachelor of Business and Commerce. I'll be starting this July semester, and it'll take me about 7.5 years to complete this course part-time, off-campus. It's a long long time I know, but I'm confident of getting there. It won't be easy, especially with all the other commitments that will come my way, but we'll work it all out. Work will continue as per normal, and I will still hold on to my dream of becoming an early childhood educator one day. Good things come to those who wait right? :) Right now, I'm just really happy that I got accepted, and even though I only got credit exemptions for 2 units, it's still ok. I whinged about having to study business statistics, organizational behavior and principles of marketing all over again, but I guess it's not that bad. I'll get there :)

Congratulations to my darling sister Chloe, who is the proud recipient of this year's Capitaland All Rounder Award in TP, and also the silver medallist in her diploma :) My goodness, she really inherited all the brains huh? :) Really really proud of her, and so so excited for her. She's worked her ass off and slogged with her heart and soul for this, and I don't think I could have found anyone who deserved it more than her. Hopefully this would pave the way for NUS to finally give her an answer for her scholarship application, and she'll be able to start uni without worrying about all the things freshies worry about - tuition fees, transport costs, textbook costs, etc.

And Chantal! I miss you and congrats on the wonderful vball season you had! I'm sure this has erased all your doubts about whether you made the right choice to go to VJC :) Treasure these experiences, and study hard :)

As for me, I'm gearing up to finally receive my study materials for school, so that I can start my self-study for the semester. First enrolled units? Business Law and Business Statistics. Boo. Boring as hell, but I'm just really really glad that I'm finalyl getting the opportunity to study :) Next semester, it'll be Marketing Theory and Practice & Basics of Accounting and Finance. Hah! Talk about revisiting the already known. Oh well. Small price to pay for waiting so long to study after the diploma, and worth it, considering I've got the most wonderful partner standing by me today.

Speaking of my wonderful partner, I really wanna say this again - I love him, and the love I feel for him grows every single day. It's like a light that never stops burning, one that grows from strength to strength. I'm eternally grateful that he has chosen me, to spend the rest of his life with. And I'm forever thankful for being gifted with the most caring, loving and kind-hearted soul to spend the rest of my life with. The future holds much for us, and though most of it is unknown, I feel safe and secure in the knowledge that I won't be alone on the road, that I have him to be the rock in my life. It's the most magical feeling. You have no idea how intense that feeling of warmth and glow of happiness is, when we sit down and discuss about our future, with my head on your shoulders and my feet entwined with yours. When we talk about what kind of house we wanna own for ourselves, when we talk about how we're gonna raise our kids in future, when we talk about us and when we talk about anything and everything in the world. Especially when you say "Next time our kids..." It makes me smile from the depths of my heart, to know that you have chosen me to be the mother of your children, and to know that you are really looking forward to it too. And we both know it'll happen in due course :) You have been supportive, encouraging, comforting, and inspiring in your words and action, and no matter how crappy my day has been, I always seem to be able to smile with you and sleep in relative peace. I love you for all your weird habits, all your procrastination, all your snoring, all your elbowing, all your anal-ness, all your undecidedness, and all your self-perceived bad points. Because when I look at you, I see my husband, the man who loves me for all my weaknesses, and who has never let me down before. Most importantly, I see the man I love with all my heart and soul, who I can no longer imagine life without. I love you baby :)

Time to head to work, and face another day of the real life.
Can't wait for the weekend to start.

sigh. so busy that i can't even blog when i want to.
mother in law coming this friday, for 10 days.
then landlord wants to come back for a visit and live with is for another 10 days immediately after.
busy busy busy.
work's good, nothing heard from monash yet.
life's going along at snail's pace, nothing seems to be going anywhere, but i guess i'm just being short sighted.

crappy few days.
lousy mood.
shitty feelings.
but thankfully, i have a loving husband who forgives and forgets.
who knew what he was getting into and doesn't regret.
who i love with all my heart and soul.
and who loves me regardless of how much of i bitch i am.
love is in the air and i love it!
though i hate the lousy mood.
i think it's the result of being off the damn pill, which is making my hormonal system go haywire.
i can't seem to find a reason for my unhappiness half the time.
and i know it's not my relationship with my baby.
it's just... i dunno. everything else i guess.
i'm not making any sense.
oh what the hell.
why do i even bother trying to explain my own feelings, when i myself don't know.
bleah.



may is a shit month and i hate it.
i hate how it makes me feel.
i hate the memories that come with it.
i can't wait for when i have new memories to bury the painful ones with.
3 years.
sounds like a long time, but not really.
sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night, feeling the way i felt those few months.
but those momentary moments of bliss dissipates into emptiness and lots of self-loathe followed by self-comfort.
i'll always wonder i guess.
and i'll always have that desperate hope in my heart i'll hold on for as long as it takes.
everyday i pray, and everyday my heart grows heavier.
only comfort is him, who stands by me, and wipes my tears away and cries with me, and who doesn't tell me to wake up and get a grip.


i remember that day.

Easter long weekend =D
i love long weekends =)

We spent Good Friday at Grand Hyatt hotel in the city, and went to Langham Hotel for buffet dinner.
Loved every second of the day and night spent at the hotel and in the city =)
At Langham hotel, guess what?
We went in for dinner and found out that Hui Lan was working there!
Talk about surprise...
It's always nice to see a familiar face while we're in a foreign land =)
And plus, I'll be back there this Thursday with my team cos we'll be on a team outing...

Yesterday, after we checked out, we met up with Meng, who was here for 1 day with SIA.
Baby was happy =)
And why shouldn't he be right? His best friend was here and they got to hang out and catch up...
Walked around the city abit, then he came over to our house to hang out, before we sent him back to the hotel later at night...

In 2 weeks, another of baby's friend will be coming over to Melbourne for about 2 weeks with her bf, and they'll be staying with us.
then somewhere in between, his mum and uncle will be here too, for 10 days.
we will have a full house again soon =)
stress, but i think baby will be happy to be able to hang out with his friend and mum =)
i hope la.
haha!

no news from Monash yet, but it's expected considering how the whole world seems to have shut down for the long weekend.
hopefully within the next 2 weeks i'll hear from them =)

we've booked our flight tickets to go back to singaporE!!!!!
21 October - 31 October.
mostly because baby's good friend is getting married on 24 and 25 oct.
his birthday is on 28 oct, so it'll be nice for him to be able to celebrate his birthday in singapore with family and friends =)
Its a pity that we can't go back for longer, but can't be helped cos we both can't take much time off from work =(
but it's better than nothing la...
wanted to wait for christmas season, but i'm not allowed to take leave from work during that period, so it'll have to be earlier...
and we've got our air tickets now, because SIA is having sale!
we saved about 1300 AUD on our air tickets - usually it'll cost us 2600 AUD to fly back, but we only paid 1300 AUD this time =)
it's a good thing, cos now we will have enough money to pay my school fees, and move house in october =)

i so miss everyone back home, and can't wait to get back to see them again =)
my buddies, my bitches, my sisters, my cousins, my brother, my family...
hope everyone's doing okay back home...
i'll repeat myself again... i wanna know what's going on with you guys!
i might not have the time to catch up with each of you regularly while i'm so far away, and for that i apologise... but keep me in the loop ok?
love you guys all!

life seems to have just begun for us.
ever since the PR got granted...
we bought ourselves our first ever set of dinnerware and silverware cutleries =)
it's an amazing feeling...
i know it doesn't seem like anything fancy, but it means alot...
for all the nearly 2 years we've been married, we've always been using things that belonged to our landlords.
nothing was ever our own.
and this feels like the first step towards our future together as a family =)
soon we'll have more... but we'll take it one step at a time...

and we're saving a little bit of money as well, cos meng has very very kindly and generously offered to let me have his PC laptop, because i mentioned that we're needing to buy one soon =)
he's got himself a macbook, so he doesn't really need his compaq anymore =)
it was like, the best news =)
cos we need the PC laptop mainly just to file our taxes come september (because the stupid software from the australian tax office is not mac compatible), and for me to do simple research and word processing when i start studying.
so we didn't really wanna spend much on it, cos it's not really what we want. it's just something we need...
oh well.
hopefully, this means that soon i'll be able to afford a macbook for studying instead =)
thank you meng! you have no idea how much this would help =)

did i mention before that i love being married to jude?
well, maybe i have.
but i'll say it again... i love being married to jude =)
i'm still grateful every morning when i wake up and see him next to me =)
well, except for those days when he annoys me. =p

life in melbourne is good so far...
though i still wish that we've got more food options available to us.
i haven't had decent jap food or hawker food like laksa in like, forever!
i miss proper food.
sigh.
oh well.
can't wait to go back to singapore to eat eat and eat!

i'm glad i got a job.
it may not be totally 100% recession proof, i still am eternally grateful that i got this job.
i have a greater appreciation of the value of working hard now.
and a huge huge appreciation for my manager, for choosing to hire me over the hundreds of other applications they received =)
it's all doom and gloom all around now, and it's hard not to appreciate what we've got.
i'm just glad we've got a roof over our heads and jobs that pay us =)
although baby stresses about the uncertainty of his sessional position, i'm just glad he has a job, no matter how much it is.
i know that one day, things will work out for us somehow, as they have so far =)
and i know that even if he loses this one, i have absolute faith that he'll be able to pick himself up and get a new one.
and even if he doesn't, we'll be okay =)

i can't wait for next year to come, and baby knows why ;)

i did the most stupidest thing today.

guess what?
i tried to put a cup of soft drink from kfc into my handbag, so that i can sneak it into the cinema to watch movie.
the moment i put it in, the cap came off and the 7up inside spilled into my handbag.
=(
my mischa barton!
i was so damn depressed la.
thank goodness my phone and my guess wallet was fine.
but still!
sighhhh.
and baby saw that i was so depressed, so he dragged me to the shopping mall after the movie to buy another handbag.
i resisted like hell cos i felt so damn bloody guilty for wasting money like that.
but he insisted.
so he dragged me there and made me pick another handbag.
and obviously, it was another mischa =)
this time, a brown one that's slightly bigger than the sticky, 7up-y one.
sigh.
i still feel so bad...
we are desperately trying to save up money for more important stuff, and now i have to screw it up by spending 150 bucks on a new handbag.
sigh.
but i'm also happy that i got a new handbag la.
i felt like i was mourning a loved one when i was made to put the old one into the bin.
sigh sigh sigh.
now i'll have to give up buying a new pair of knee-high boots, and just get my winter jacket and a couple more winter worthy work clothes.
sigh.
you gain some you lose some i guess.

oh well.

i feel like the dumbest stupidest most retarded person on earth.
argh.

Quick post =)

Family came and gone.. had a fun but hectic week =)
Thanks mummy, for bringing all of you here to me.
I hope you guys enjoyed yourself, and now that you've seen the life we've built for ourselves here, hopefully you can rest assured about me being away from home =)

As soon as they left, I came down with a massive flu bug.
unitl now.
so miserable.
oh well.

The biggest news!
We are officially Australian Permanent Residents!
As of March 24th 2009 =)
So exciting!
Now we can move on with our lives, and take things to the next stage.

This afternoon, I submitted my online application with Monash University.
Applying for a double degree program in Arts and Business & Commerce =)
But I'm doubtful of getting that as my first choice, because apparently there is no intake for this course in 2009, but I can hope =)
Second choice is Bachelor of Business and Commerce.
First choice will take me 8 years to complete, second choice 6 years.
haha!
only cos I'm doing it part-time and off-campus.
But it doesn't matter, as long as I get it ultimately =)
Stupidest thing is that I'm not sure if I can get my credit transfers or not, because apparently it's only valid for 2 years, and it's been 4 years since I took my level one subjects in poly.
bleah.
and they are asking for course outline, total teaching hours, course objectives, blah blah blah, which I throw out after every exam!
grrr.
annoying.
now i can only wait and see what they say.
if i have to do principles of management, microecons, macroecons and OB again, I'll pull my hair out.
but i'll still have to do it if I have to do it right?
we do what we need to do =)

more updates coming soon...
sorry again for not being more active here... busy busy!